I'm definitely feeling a little green and sort Grinch-y like. My heart is the perfect size. It's this dratted rut I'm standing in that is 2 sizes to small for me. Or maybe my perspective is turned askew.
Lemme just say, I recognize that I have a pretty nice life compared to so many people in this world. I could make a list of all the wonderful things God has given and done for me. Great family? Check. Nice friends? Check. ... and so goes my list. I'm thankful for all God has given me. There's just something missing. I feel blue and weepy all the time and it's getting old.
My weightloss goal was completely on track at the end of 2009 and all of 2010. I had lost almost 60lbs and had about 65 more to go when I sprung my SI joint in February of this year, and things derailed quickly from that point. I'm ashamed to admit how far I've spiraled out of control and I don't seem to be able to catch myself and turn the corner back in the weightloss direction. I'm stuck in a very deep and very narrow rut and I can't get myself out. And if I don't get out soon, I will have undone almost 1+ years of very hard work *sigh*
I used to love working out, and now it just seems like a big "fat" chore. I'm either getting hurt or I'm tired and supremely frustrated and my enjoyment is gone. That makes me so sad I want to weep even more. Viscious cycle. Deep ugly rut. Weepy and feeling blue. Sleep. Deep ugly rut. Weepy and feeling blue. Sleep. In my heart, and even in my head, I know change is going to have to come and that is kinda scary. I don't see any other way to get back on track though. I don't know exactly what that change is and I don't exactly know how it will be manifested. I just know it's coming.
My Progress
