I have forgotten how to take this walk on my own and I'm not so very excited about that thought. I've never been very successful at it. I hate change, but I've seen other people be successful walking on their own and I wonder why I can't do that too. Actually, that's a whole other topic and better left for another sad day :) I'm not ready to try this by myself. I'm not prepared and I should be, but I'm not.
Changes are indicative of actions that we must take. In the grand scheme of things these actions made me teary today and very sad because change is about to come whether or not I am ready for it or even want it. About 1:30AM today my phone chirped that little "you have a text message" chirp. At that early hour of the morning on a Tuesday, I knew who it was immediately and I knew I wasn't going to like what it said. I wasn't asleep yet so I guess it didn't matter much. The wee early AM texts on Tues/Thursdays always indicate change is coming to the start of my day. If my day is going to change, why does it have to be at such an early, early hour?? I mean seriously...
I am fully prepared, and actually shocked, when we pass the 3:30AM mark on a Tuesday or a Thursday and there are no little text chirps to wake up to. These changes are never set in stone and I've begun to have terrible and sad dreams because I know something needs to change and I don't feel ready to make that change. Life changes, and I can roll with that. It's just what it is. Every day brings ups and downs and things change on the spur of the moment for everyone. This change I'm not rolling with so well.
My morning did get all screwed up just as I thought *sigh* and what happened next was exactly as I expected except this time I got irritated and threw my phone across the car. First, that was the wrong thing to do. Wrong emotion. Wrong feeling. Wrong reason to be upset. Simply the wrong way to handle the situation. It was rather childish and served to accomplish nothing. I'm very easy going and generally really patient but even I can look at the situation and see that things aren't working very well anymore and this just further enforced something I don't want to see.
Honestly, I might have been less unhappy but changing my day right as I am driving up just hit a nerve. Why could we not cancel the day at 1:30AM? That would have been fine. And yes, I kinda got pissy as I drove by and realized people were where you wouldn't expect them. So goes life and that should not be cause for such distress.
My Progress
