Pre-workout
- Protein bar
- 3 egg whites
- Grapefruit cup
- Crackers
- Salad with Chicken
- 1 c of banana pudding
- Payday
- Chicken Noodle Soup
- Drop biscuit
- Skim Milk
My Progress
Showing posts with label Emotional Weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotional Weight. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Tuesday (1/10) - Foodlog
Here is today's foodlog and not the world's best day.
Pre-workout
Pre-workout
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Monday's foodlog (1/9)
Here is my planned foodlog for today. Let's see if this works since I created this Sunday night and obviously am typing it on Sunday night.
Breakfast
Snack
Lunch
Total for this Meal: 115 2 9.9 0 15 330
So I was good up to this point and then the oh no, I feel like crap with a fever moment :) We degraded quick like and I got no cardio in today cuz I'm coughing up a lung here.
The rest of the day went like this...
Breakfast
- Egg Whites (3) - 75 0 1.1 0 17.7 226.5
- Grapefruit cup - 60 0 15 1 0 25
Snack
- Protein Bar - 180 4 18 0 19 70
- Small Apple - 95 .3 25.1 4.4 .5 1.8
- Peanut Butter - 95 8 3.5 1 4 65
Lunch
- Salad (2c with assorted veggies)
- Green Beans - 45 0 9.9 0 2
- Pink Salmon - 70 2 0 0 13 330
Total for this Meal: 115 2 9.9 0 15 330
So I was good up to this point and then the oh no, I feel like crap with a fever moment :) We degraded quick like and I got no cardio in today cuz I'm coughing up a lung here.
The rest of the day went like this...
- chicken noodle soup (cuz my throat hurts so much and I can't stop coughing, yuck!!)
- Candy Canes
- Protein Bar
- Burlatoni Chicken tortillini with some red sauce
- 2 c. of skim milk (cuz that so helps with the congestion, ummm...NOT)
Saturday, January 7, 2012
#@!% #@!% #@!% - My leg fraking hurts and other running tragedies
Okay, it will be exactly a year (and maybe some change) since I sprung my SI joint come this February. I would like to tell you that I am able to run again, but of course, I keep injuring that leg and I'm quite tired of that and to quote my favorite BSG character (Starbuck) - frak, frak, frak!!! I just started running again at the beginning of December and during a sprint with the trainer, I went down, landing square on my big tuckus in the process. He was behind me when it happened and said it looked like someone shot my leg. I can only guess it looked kinda odd and probably fairly funny to observers :)
I knew on the first step that something wasn't at all right. Of course I felt it something like this... right step (oh no...), left step (BAM, somethings wrong in the caliber of did I just rupture my Achilles and I can't stop fast enough), right step, and I was sitting on the ground trying not to cry. I personally think its something unstable behind my knee, but I refuse to go see my sports meds doctor, cuz he'll try and shoot it full of cortisone (I'm way allergic and he doesn't believe me...) or he will tell me not to run. I know, FAT girl running doesn't make sense to most but they are not, and I repeat NOT going to stop me from moving.
God gave me two working legs, I will figure out a way to use them. So instead of completely getting upset, and drowning my anger and frustration in little mini red velvet cupcakes (they are like crack to a food addict, I <3 them), I'm taking a more sane approach. I have all these great cardio workouts that my old boxing instructor/trainer II made for me. Instead of completely losing it because I still can't run, I am going to take those workouts, some of which I have put on my blog, and redo 2010. We shall see how fast that goes.
So, since I can't run STILL, my warm up before training is a 2.0 incline at 3.5 with 2-10lb dumbbells in hand. That was extremely hard for me in 2010, and isn't really easy for now but I will repeat that at least for January. More to follow, stay tuned.
I knew on the first step that something wasn't at all right. Of course I felt it something like this... right step (oh no...), left step (BAM, somethings wrong in the caliber of did I just rupture my Achilles and I can't stop fast enough), right step, and I was sitting on the ground trying not to cry. I personally think its something unstable behind my knee, but I refuse to go see my sports meds doctor, cuz he'll try and shoot it full of cortisone (I'm way allergic and he doesn't believe me...) or he will tell me not to run. I know, FAT girl running doesn't make sense to most but they are not, and I repeat NOT going to stop me from moving.
God gave me two working legs, I will figure out a way to use them. So instead of completely getting upset, and drowning my anger and frustration in little mini red velvet cupcakes (they are like crack to a food addict, I <3 them), I'm taking a more sane approach. I have all these great cardio workouts that my old boxing instructor/trainer II made for me. Instead of completely losing it because I still can't run, I am going to take those workouts, some of which I have put on my blog, and redo 2010. We shall see how fast that goes.
So, since I can't run STILL, my warm up before training is a 2.0 incline at 3.5 with 2-10lb dumbbells in hand. That was extremely hard for me in 2010, and isn't really easy for now but I will repeat that at least for January. More to follow, stay tuned.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Dreams interrupted by Sleep
Haven't had uninterrupted, blank "I'm just out" sleep in a while. I know they say everyone dreams at night, and 99% of the time I remember my dreams. Last night I was just out. That was way better than Tuesday night. I can no longer tell you in exacting detail what I was dreaming about on Tuesday, but I was very sad when I woke up and I didn't enjoy that. My whole day and how I interacted or didn't with people was tempered by that dream. I know I am supposed to be making a change that I don't want to make.
I am a firm believer that dreams are important. You can call me crazy, but I completely and without guilt believe that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob speaks to us in our dreams. I can't say this for anyone else, but He probably uses that avenue with me because I won't shut up and listen any other way when I am awake and He has to get to the heart or spirit of the matter. And no, not every dream I have do I believe that it is God speaking to me in it. Sometimes, you just know though.
I tend to work out my waking problems in my dreams and I have the weirdest tendency to relive childhood jobs in mine. I have had the same dream over and over and over for years. It varies only slightly from one occurrence to the next and is so real, sometimes I wake up very startled. I have had dreams where I was absolutely afraid but I knew while I was dreaming that I could wake up at any time.
I have one reoccurring set of dreams that always involve the same person. This person means more to me than anyone but my mom. These dreams are so vivid and real that I have cried waking up because the situation around this person has not changed and I would much rather stay in the dream. The dreams return to me like clockwork on a regular basis.
I don't know why we dream the way we do. I do know that stress and unhappiness can bleed into our dreams and that we should pay attention to them. I look at my dreams, and basically the state of my sleep, and I try to understand what is going on. Do I have too much stress? Is something or someone making me unhappy? Am I having issues that I can't or won't deal with any other way? Is there unforgiveness in me? Is God telling me something?
I am a firm believer that dreams are important. You can call me crazy, but I completely and without guilt believe that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob speaks to us in our dreams. I can't say this for anyone else, but He probably uses that avenue with me because I won't shut up and listen any other way when I am awake and He has to get to the heart or spirit of the matter. And no, not every dream I have do I believe that it is God speaking to me in it. Sometimes, you just know though.
I tend to work out my waking problems in my dreams and I have the weirdest tendency to relive childhood jobs in mine. I have had the same dream over and over and over for years. It varies only slightly from one occurrence to the next and is so real, sometimes I wake up very startled. I have had dreams where I was absolutely afraid but I knew while I was dreaming that I could wake up at any time.
I have one reoccurring set of dreams that always involve the same person. This person means more to me than anyone but my mom. These dreams are so vivid and real that I have cried waking up because the situation around this person has not changed and I would much rather stay in the dream. The dreams return to me like clockwork on a regular basis.
I don't know why we dream the way we do. I do know that stress and unhappiness can bleed into our dreams and that we should pay attention to them. I look at my dreams, and basically the state of my sleep, and I try to understand what is going on. Do I have too much stress? Is something or someone making me unhappy? Am I having issues that I can't or won't deal with any other way? Is there unforgiveness in me? Is God telling me something?
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Guilt, Shame and all the weight we carry...
Let me just say, I don't write any of my posts for anyone other than me. If I sound like I'm rambling, I probably am. For anyone that reads my little blurbs of thought and can relate or likes them, thank you. This is more or less my online diary laid bare. My every day struggle with weightloss is right here in all its glorious detail - warts and all :) The good and the bad, and the ugly and sweet.
Being overweight comes with so many weird little challenges. The negativity of the people who judge you with such candor couched in the guise of help. The meanness of those that think they can judge you behind your back and to your face. The blankness of the people that look right through you because some how being over weight is like a disease you catch. The sweetness of the people doing their very best to help you, while you are sabotoging their efforts because you can't figure out that happy AND healthy coexist. The sheer volume of weight that is weighing you down, be it emotional or physical. I can't say this for anyone other than myself, but I know the amount of weight I currently carry is directly proportional to all the guilt and shame and fear I carry in my heart.
I started this post about 5 days ago and I'm still of the opinion that this is true. I've been thinking about it. Mulling it this way and that and trying to come to terms with what I know is true. Guilt, shame and fear all have bulk and substance and they bring a downward force to the scale. Wouldn't we all like to believe that *snap, poof* and it's all gone were true?
Being overweight comes with so many weird little challenges. The negativity of the people who judge you with such candor couched in the guise of help. The meanness of those that think they can judge you behind your back and to your face. The blankness of the people that look right through you because some how being over weight is like a disease you catch. The sweetness of the people doing their very best to help you, while you are sabotoging their efforts because you can't figure out that happy AND healthy coexist. The sheer volume of weight that is weighing you down, be it emotional or physical. I can't say this for anyone other than myself, but I know the amount of weight I currently carry is directly proportional to all the guilt and shame and fear I carry in my heart.
I started this post about 5 days ago and I'm still of the opinion that this is true. I've been thinking about it. Mulling it this way and that and trying to come to terms with what I know is true. Guilt, shame and fear all have bulk and substance and they bring a downward force to the scale. Wouldn't we all like to believe that *snap, poof* and it's all gone were true?
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