Having a meltdown here. I just did the stupidest most self-sabotaging food stupid thing I've done (at least a in a couple days.) Since I blog to keep myself accountable I will tell you what I did. I am a good example of eating disorder weird body yuck! You've heard about people that hide food and do really weird things with it, that's me. I can't keep a mix of any sort (like cookies, or muffins) in my house because I mix them, eat them raw and then trash them. Don't know why and it is gross and way not healthy. I don't hide it but there is no one in my house that tells me no, cuz I live and eat alone. God help me if there was someone (yes, it should be me) telling me no. The only people I hide food from are me, myself, and my trainer (cuz who wants to admit that weird little proclivity) and since hiding has the power to keep you bound and tied to shame, I'm gonna come right out and say this...
I went specifically to the grocery store before my fav show (Once Upon a Time) started tonight and here is what I bought:
- Eggs for egg whites tomorrow if I wash the pan (Big if, cuz I got to wash the pan.)
- 3 grapefruit cups
- 3 protein bars/2 zone bars
- Salad mix for 4 days of salads
- 2 Pepsi Max (because I obviously haven't stripped my body of enough calcium, enamel and Magnesium)
- Frosting (which I don't allow in my host under normal - non last two months circumstances)
- Blueberry Muffin mix
- 1/2 gallon of skim milk
I bought my niece and nephew a mini donut maker. They never got it,as I opened it today. Guess what has to leave my house tomorrow. Mixed the blueberry muffins and ate them with the frosting. I feel sick!
