Wow, I might have to rethink my definition of motivation...

(UPDATE:  So I started this post well over a year ago and it was about a confrontation that occurred by my trainer and I.  He was going to dump me because I was not losing weight while he is the reason I got hurt and derailed in the first place.  Well over a year later, and trainer and I have separated under some harsh circumstances.)

Today I had one of those oh, ohh..., and "I think I'm crushed and a handshake is going to make this better how??" moments.  I don't say that lightly and I certainly don't impugn the nature of a handshake because there is a certain level of honor that must be applied to sealing any bargain or agreement with a handshake. You just have to take it on Faith as it is a matter of integrity and honor.  Sounds confusing right?  Well, yes it was and I'm not sure where the idea of "motivation" came from, cuz it had the completely opposite effect. 

I let things roll around in my noggin too much so I'm still thinking about what this actually means about 24hrs after the fact.  I'm not exactly stupid.  Fat yes, stupid no.  We can go back and look at several blog posts.  I know something isn't right.  I just haven't put my finger on the pulse of EXACTLY what is wrong and I certainly haven't figured out what actions to take to "fix" whatever "it" is.

You lance a wound or rip a scab off a badly healed sore, either or, sometimes it's the only way to make something heal properly.  And you can take from that statement, what you will.  It is correct to assume that dwelling on one really bad set of pictures is not very motivational and can crush a fragile self-esteem.  But remember, even without looking at them continually, the truth is still there.  You don't have to see the truth, to feel the truth.

A picture could tear me up and trash my self-esteem and remind me that I have had one really NOT successful year, but I'm thinking being dumped for not losing weight is going to have far more serious consequences to my emotional well being, even if the thought was taken back.  No matter how you spin it, that just isn't good.  But thanks for taking it back at least for now.  I'm sure that's going to help.

God gave me an extra measure of determination.  We are bout to find out just how much steel he actually made me with.